Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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