Who wears a wallet chain?!
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
