you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
