I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
