His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize