you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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