it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
