Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I got her a Nickelback box set.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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