just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
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