What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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