I met the friendliest cop last night
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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