I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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