okay pat passed out under dana's car
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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