Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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