Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize