her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I enjoy the company of your penis
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
