Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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