Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
