i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
whose parrot is this?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
