is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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