Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Randomize
