Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
