Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
