I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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