You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I party with great urgency now.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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