It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
