I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
