the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
