Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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