JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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