You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Randomize
