the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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