I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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