oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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