Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize