I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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