and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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