Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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