You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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