So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
