So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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