I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Will exercising make me less horny?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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