at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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