does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize