you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
