Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
