Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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