what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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