Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
