who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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