Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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