I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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