Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
