im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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