living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize