i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
