Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
