Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
