I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
they're like a gay fantastic four
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
