I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
