Christians are straight up FREAKS
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
