So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Alive.
So much puke
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
