so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
