He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
