It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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