Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
