It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
