i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
