Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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