i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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