Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
