tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
