1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
