john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
