Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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