I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
