Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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