yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
